2016 Special Benanas

Every year, 10 (or so) Special Benanas are awarded to the best and worst things. There is no logic or rationale to the categories…just whatever I happen to think of. So without further ado, this year’s Special Benana winners are:

Golden Benana for Best Oedipuss:
Oedipuss (he did it again!)
(runner-up: the big dog in the yard I walk past on my way to work, whom I’ve named Frank)

Golden Benana for Thing That Most Unexpectedly Inspired Me to Try to be a Better Person:
Steven Universe
(runner-up: the baseball writings of Stacey May Fowles)

Golden Benana for Most Captivating Image of the Year:
(runner-up: ultrasound of my unborn child)

Golden Benana for Performer Who Most Blew Me Away:
The little girl who I saw play Matilda after the girl who was supposed to play Matilda that night got hurt or something and didn’t appear on stage on her cue, so after a 5 minute delay this other little girl has to come on stage and has to immediately start belting out a number in front of a thousand people, and she friggin’ nailed it and was amazing for the next 2 hours…and she was like 10! I mean, what?? How??
[runner-up: Penny Oleksiak…and not for winning, which was obviously super impressive, but for finishing her races and somehow managing to resist looking at the results for like 30 seconds after each race]

Golden Benana for Happiest Bottle of Vinegar:

Golden Benana for Super Mainstream Mega-Popular Thing That Was Also Just the Best:
The sloths in Zootopia
(runner-up: Pokemon Go, which I’ve never played, but watching excited groups of people play it for that one week where everyone was playing it was heaven)

Golden Benana for Best Basement:
Melanie’s and my basement
(runner-up: the basement at Duffy’s, where all your playoff dreams come true)

Rotten Benana for Worst Thing of the Year
Do I need to say it?

Rotten Benana for Most Depressing Thing of the Year:
Come on? Are you gonna make me say it?

Rotten Benana for the Lousiest Thing That, Yes, I Need to Say:
Donald Trump winning the US presidential election, obviously. I mean, I try very hard to be tolerant of others and I know I’m influenced by my bubble and etc., but, like…Donald Trump has the nuclear codes?? Really?

Rotten Benana for Lamest Silver Lining of the Year:
Winning $8.50 in my office pool when Donald Trump won the US presidential election